I can’t even begin to narrow my discussion to a single event. So much has happened over the last few days that I have to put it all together like a buffet of goodness! I appreciate those fancy restaurants with their single serving and syrup line; however, I’m overflowing. Nothing has drastically changed. In fact, in some ways we are still in the midst of the storm.

Let’s get started.

My most amazing and long-time friend who has become my sister shared with me over coffee the new Brene’ Brown series for the 10 year anniversary of “The Gifts of Imperfection”. You can also find the 6 part series on Spotify. I’m going to share with you a few quotes from the transcript.

“It’s too hot. It’s too cold. There are too many mosquitoes. The tall guy sat in front of me at the movie. You have on too much perfume, it’s bothering me. So, what we want to do to combat all these things that just bug the crap out of us, including our own things, is we want to grab this huge roll of leather, like rolling out a red carpet, we just want to roll this leather over everything, so everywhere we step, we’re just on this leather that everything is taken care of. The mosquitoes are gone, the tall guy doesn’t sit in front of you, the dishwasher’s unloaded, the email is perfect. You can’t go around wrapping the world in leather to protect yourself. You just have to spiritually wrap your mind in leather, so that no matter where you step, it’s going to be okay. You can’t let all of these variables affect you so much. How do you get to the point where all of these things don’t need to be done in order for you to feel worthy of love and belonging?” (Part 1, Brene Brown discussing the work of Pema Chödrön)

I was taking a walk when I heard this. I’m actually sitting in a very comfy leather chair at the moment which of course made me smile. I am writing from a place in North Carolina headed to visit my daughter soon. I want to wrap everything up with a bow and leather. I want today to be perfect and every word spoken to be right and healing. I want it so much that I’m a mess. You know one of those long processing conversations that prep you for what’s to come. Some how in the practicing I might get it right this time. I’m laughing as I type this. There’s a family above us laughing and carrying on which brings a sense of community.

Then, part 2.

There’s a line from Leonard Cohen’s song “Anthem” that serves as a reminder to me that when I get into that place where I’m trying to control everything and make it perfect. I need to think about this line it’s, ‘There’s a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in.’” Which is just such, so I write, “So many of us run around spackling all the cracks trying to make everything look just right. And this line helps me remember that the beauty of the cracks (the messy house, the imperfect manuscript, the too-tight jeans). These imperfections are not inadequacies, they are reminders that we’re in this together, imperfectly but together.” And then my Get Going is “Sometimes I still wake up in the morning, I say, ‘Today, I’m going to believe that showing up is enough.’” (Part 2, Brene’ Brown, discussing the work of Dr. Neff and Self Compassion)

I sat in on a virtual Bible study on Thursday. I had not been able to get my homework done, it was a rainy night, many things happened that day to remind me of the cracks in my life, and I was just determined to listen in and be filled. Honestly, my mind was like a sponge soaking it up but my heart was like “meh…” However, this old lady knows that it takes the heart awhile to catch up when it’s feeling like “meh…” so I filled my mind with God’s Word knowing the heart will find its way. Did I mention that I had woken up that morning giving my husband a piece of my mind? That’s always a great way to start the day. Woke him up giving him a play by play. I’m laughing again. Promise. I hope you can relate to those times in your relationship that you just have so much to share! 🙂

I woke up the next day with God shining His light in my heart. My heart caught up. I can’t explain it other than the promise of His Word will NOT return void. If you feel devoid of hope, God will fill you up!

.”..so my word that comes from my mouth will not return to me empty, but it will accomplish what I please and will prosper in what I send it to do.” Isaiah 55:11

My life is filled with cracks and I’m wrapping my mind in leather (God’s Word for me).

I found a little book in my cleaning of clutter. It’s a book that shares verses related to something you may be experiencing. “What to do When You Feel Like Giving Up?” Chapter 55 of “The Bible Incorporated in Your Life, Job, and Business”

“You are of God, and whatsoever is born of God overcomes the world because greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world: and this is the victory that overcomes the world, even our faith. So now, you can do all things through Christ which strengthens you and gives you the victory, always causing you to triumph in Him.” (p. 159)

I’ve read that over and over and my mind and heart are connecting.

The morning I woke up and found myself “wrapped in leather” and rejoicing in the cracks, I had the greatest experience at my chiropractor. Yes, my chiropractor. We use white paper from a roll to place our heads on the bed with rollers. I got up from my 10 minutes, looked down, and saw this:

I’ve been on that bed many times and never has my head produced a sunflower. If you don’t see it, that’s okay. I saw it and God and I laughed together. “I see you God–my mind is wrapped in your light and love so much that it produced a sunflower!” You know I love sunflowers, and you know why, so that was pretty cool for me. Yes, I kept it. At least for a little while.