In our increasingly complex and fast-paced world, the ability to adapt, change perspectives, and thrive through adversity is not just beneficial; it’s essential. Psychological flexibility is at the heart of this adaptability. It’s a concept that’s gaining traction among psychologists and self-help circles alike for its profound impact on how we can live more fulfilling lives. By changing our narratives about ourselves and how we show up in the world based on those stories, we can indeed design our lives for the better.

Understanding Psychological Flexibility

Hayes, Strosahl, and Wilson (2012) define psychological flexibility in their book Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change as the ability to be in the present moment with full awareness and openness to our experiences and to take action guided by our values. This means stepping back from our thoughts, understanding them as just thoughts, not absolute truths, and choosing how we react to them.

Why It Matters

Research has shown that individuals with high psychological flexibility tend to have better mental health, are more resilient to stress, and have higher overall life satisfaction (Kashdan & Rottenberg, 2010). This flexibility allows individuals to adapt to changing situations, make healthier choices, maintain balance in their emotions, and pursue meaningful activities that align with their values.

Changing Our Narratives

Many of us are held back by the narratives we tell ourselves about who we are, what we’re capable of, and how we’re perceived by others. These stories come from our experiences, culture, family, and even societal expectations, and they can be limiting. Changing these narratives requires recognizing them for what they are—stories, not fixed truths. Dr. Steven Hayes, one of the pioneers of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), emphasizes the role of cognitive defusion in this process. This involves distancing ourselves from our thoughts and seeing them as separate from our identity. By detaching from negative self-narratives, we open up space to create new, more empowering stories.

Designing Your Life

Being psychologically flexible allows us to design our lives more consciously. Instead of being on autopilot, reacting to events as they come, we can take a proactive stance. What values do you want to guide your life? What kind of person do you want to be? These are the types of questions that can guide our actions and decisions when we approach life with flexibility. Bill Burnett and Dave Evans, in their book “Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life” (2016), highlight the importance of being open to iteration. Life design is not a one-and-done process; it’s about constant adaptation and learning. This aligns perfectly with the principles of psychological flexibility, where being open to new experiences and willing to adjust is key.

Personal Example

During a recent meeting with my supervisor, we delved into a narrative and a task related to work. As I shared my thoughts, my supervisor attentively jotted down words that might derail me from my values and work objectives, alongside words that showcased my values. This exercise heightened my awareness of my thoughts, emotions, and the stories I tell myself, allowing me to gain a fresh perspective. One questioning moment stood out when we discussed the “flip side of the coin.” One side represented my thoughts and feelings about the challenges I face at work, while the other side signified my core values – my strong work ethic and the desire to be recognized as a diligent and capable individual. The lesson inherently underscored the idea that we can’t just discard one side of the coin; instead, we must acknowledge our thoughts and feelings while upholding our values and approaching tasks or meetings with mindfulness. While this may sound straightforward, it’s far from easy. It demands consistent practice and a genuine sense of self-compassion. It’s a journey of learning and growth that we’re all navigating.

Final Thoughts

Embracing psychological flexibility opens up a world of possibilities. Adopting a stance of openness, curiosity, and willingness to grow enables us to navigate life’s challenges more effectively and move toward what truly matters to us. In the end, psychological flexibility is not just a skill; it’s a way of living—a path to a more adaptable, resilient, and fulfilling life.

A Spiritual Perspective

Romans 12:2 beautifully reminds us that the process of transforming our minds and renewing them is an integral part of God’s divine plan for our lives. It is crucial for me to take the insights from my research and align them with my faith. The scripture also emphasizes that God is continually transforming us from one degree of glory to another (2 Corinthians 3:18). Reflecting on my experience from yesterday, I was moved by the profound impact of the Spirit during a prayer service, where the presence of God was palpable through the Word, praise, and prayer, reaffirming the transformative power of God in our lives. As I continue to seek Him, I witness how God willingly strengthens and enlightens us as we endeavor to reshape and rewrite the narratives of our lives. I am consistently in awe of how He reveals Himself through the intricate details of life—be it in everyday conversations, moments of solitude, times of struggle, periods of conflict, amidst the chaos, and in the breathtaking displays of beauty.

Yesterday, during a gathered reunion with my doctoral cohort from 10 years ago, my friends shared life changes that rocked their world.

Loss of job, significant workplace changes, organizational restructuring, and health changes. I noticed their narratives that included their values, thoughts, feelings, and possibilities born from the loss. Their faith and flexibility kept them open and curious while also struggling through the hard. One of them shared a song, Brenda Waters, “Victory” that has become her mantra:

Discussion Questions

1. How do you interpret the concept of psychological flexibility? Can you provide examples from your own life where being psychologically flexible helped you navigate a challenging situation?
2. Discuss how the idea of changing our narratives can affect our mental health and life satisfaction. How can we identify and change the limiting stories we tell ourselves?
3. In the context of designing your life, how important do you believe psychological flexibility is? Discuss how being open to iteration has influenced your life choices and paths.
4. Reflect on the personal example given about a workplace challenge. Can you relate to experiencing a similar situation where balancing your values and thoughts/feelings was necessary? How did you handle it?
5. Reflection on the spiritual perspective shared: How do you see the intersection of faith and psychology, particularly in the realm of psychological flexibility and transforming our minds? Share any personal insights or experiences. What verses from God’s Word support transformation and renewing?
6. The text suggests that psychological flexibility can help us navigate toward what truly matters to us. How do you determine what matters most in your life, and how do you align your actions with these values?

References

BibleGateway: https://www.biblegateway.com/

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). *Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change*. Guilford Press.- Kashdan, T. B., & Rottenberg, J. (2010).

Psychological flexibility as a fundamental aspect of health. *Clinical Psychology Review, 30*(7), 865-878.- Burnett, B., & Evans, D. (2016).

Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life*. Knopf.Title: The Power of Psychological Flexibility in Designing Your Life.