Rooted 2018: Worthy

Brene Brown is one of my favorite researchers and authors. She challenges us to not “hustle for our worth”.

Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable, and imperfect. When we don’t have that, we shape-shift and turn into chameleons; we hustle for the worthiness we already possess. Brene Brown

The struggle for worthiness dates back to Genesis and the beginning of our questioning with truth. As humans, we were deceived into first listening to a deception, dwelling on the lie, believing the lie, and then acting on the lie. Poof! We went from the Garden of Eden to the struggle. In fact, in my mind, I believe this struggle is probably at the root of many of our conflicts today.

It’s October 21, the end of October, and I went from miracle September to worthy October. Whereas words seemed to flow the first of the year, it has been my journey that has produced the word towards the end of the month. The work. Then the word. At a recent event, I went from one conversation to another that invited me to listen, dwell, believe, and then act. At one point, I cried out to God in a humorous conversation of, “Are you for real, God?” In some of the conversations the words were intentional, but in most unintentional. People just living their lives in front of me. I don’t know what is more challenging, words that intentionally hurt, or words that are just there, and you define them as hurtful. Nonetheless, I had the opportunity to practice the hustle that Brene talks about. I was fast on my feet. I turned into a chameleon. I don’t think anyone needs to walk around constantly exposing there inner struggles, but I am the only one who can control what dialogue I have going on in my mind when hustling occurs. I’m grateful that God gave me the strength to set boundaries, to be kind, and to truly separate my internal conflict from their journey and space.

Rejection and shame are a part of our lives. Hard words that most will say–“not me”, because we are ashamed of being ashamed. As I wore shame, it manifested itself into enormous stress and confusion. It took someone asking, “Are you okay?” and being available to listen. It then took courage to speak the unspeakable not only to God, but also to a safe friend. When the ugly came out, she provided a space for me to hear myself. In turn, this re-framed my dialogue. I stopped hustling.

So what if parts of the dialogue are true? That is the flipped side of worthiness for me. It’s not either/or. You are not unworthy one day and the next day perfection. It becomes a roller coaster ride of success, failure, success, failure……….

As I sat inside the reality of what was going on, I became content in knowing that what I bring to the table–who am I–takes up the right space at this point in time. It might not be “good enough” for _______________ (you can fill in the blank), but I am still worthy. Healthy guilt produces change. Shame says, “I am bad.” “I am the mistake.” How can I change when conflict occurs, even if the change is acceptance of the reality? How can I not internalize shame?

I go back to the first and second step of the process. We can’t close off “listening”, right?! I mean, I have ear plugs for sleeping, but wearing them around all day might cause folks to question. How do I move from listening to dwelling on what is true?

I don’t think this side of heaven we will ever perfect this, but we can practice. We can practice discerning truth based on who God says we are (and by the way He thinks we are pretty amazing!). In fact, God’s Word says He sees us through the eyes of Jesus who took care of all our past and future junk when He gave His life.  We can consider the source and their journey (they just might be a hot mess, too). We can be content with where we are in life–even if it doesn’t  get the prize or the promotion. Brene would encourage us to “rumble”–

A discussion defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability and to stay curious and generous and stick with the messy middle of problem identification and solving.  To take a break and circle back and be fearless in owning our parts and to listen with the same passion in which we want to be heard–show up with an open heart and mind and serve others not our ego. (Brene Brown)

I’m going to tell you this–my friend–I have wept in my car (the only place you can be alone). In my travels and worship, God has poured His love into my life and answered prayers. I was listening to a song called “Everything” by Lauren Daigle, and the words said over and over–“You give me everything I need.” In that moment of pure worship, I got a text from one of my daughters that showed a miracle and a movement forward–answered prayer. We worship. Wait. He provides in His time.

I’d like to close with the lyrics to Lauren Daigle’s song “You Say”. The video is after the lyrics if you have time to listen.

I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just a song of every high and every low
Remind me once again just who I am because I need to know
Ooh oh

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don’t belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe (I)
Oh I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe

The only thing that matters now is everything You think of me
In You I find my worth, in You I find my identity
Ooh oh

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don’t belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe (I)
Oh, I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
Oh, I believe

Taking all I have ans now I’m laying it at Your feet
You have every failure, God, You have every victory
Ooh oh

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
And you say I am held when I am falling short
And when I don’t belong, oh You say I am Yours
And I believe (I)
Oh, I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe

Oh, I believe (I)
Yes I believe (I)
What You say of me (I)
I believe

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s