Changing up your meditation space gives room for a different perspective. I’m downstairs in my cluttered living room “with the fireplace”. When trying to locate an item, we will use that description. As I meditated on today’s message for lent I was overcome by His love and grace through the worship song, Drawn To You, by Audrey Assad. As tears fell and heart swelled with the offerings of my soul work, I opened my eyes. Through the blurred vision of thoughtful worship and tears, my eyes scanned the room. No longer did I see clutter.
The candles burning reminded me of memories and the moments that caused the wax to lessen and drip.
The pottery from my dear friend’s business All Fired Up, her love for Jesus and family, and the pottery created by my children and husband has brought years of joy and connection. One piece was broken and glued back together with thoughtful hands. Gifts created and given in love. This beautiful friend who shares the same anniversary with me, has used her business to support my ministry, and continues to be a blessing to us. She is woven into the fabric of my soul work.
The pictures of my beautiful daughters. All of them suffering in some way as a result of this pandemic, stress, and searching. I prayed specifically for each one of them, and I also felt overwhelmed by the gift of love they each bring. I am their mother; yet, God reminded me through the prayer time, they belong to Him. Let go, Anna.
Pictures drawn by my grandchild with scripture written to enhance the art work. I’m thrilled that my oldest is teaching my grandchildren about God and His love. She is an amazing mother full of inspiration and tenacity.
A picture of Parish holding Victoria 31 years ago. We’ve had a beautiful life my love. I’m drawn to the stone figure my mother gave us to represent our love. Us, clinging to each other, kissing, eyes closed.
Pictures from loved ones with scripture because they know our home is a home that worships Him.
A single candle that I light to remember my dad’s spirit and love for Jesus. His glow. His legacy. This was given to me by my coworkers who cared so deeply for me when my dad passed away last September.
Guitars and my husband’s love for music that has filled our home, figurines that commemorate seasons of life like graduation, friendship, marriage, pregnancy, and a mother/daughter relationship.
My great-grandfather’s rocking chair refinished by Parish when I was pregnant with my first born. We rocked sweet Victoria in this chair. I still remember with laughter how you had to sit and get up from the chair a certain way or the old wood would creak and wake her up. This was my dad’s favorite chair to sit in when he came over to visit for awhile.
A picture purchased over 25 years ago that represents my beloved Aunt Adell’s old country home. We would visit at Christmas and through the year. Her farm and land still lives in my bones. I miss you Adell.
Pictures and books on the coffee table that represents years of ministry and praying for others.
A new adventure with my coworkers in reading and attending sessions on Dr. Love’s work.
A treasure in my lap–a book sent to me by a sister in Christ. This book is leather and smells divine as the words pour into my heart. I see her in my mind and smile. I pray for her and her sweet family.
Lastly, a white, soft blanket given to me by a friend at Christmas. She lost her daddy recently. This blanket means the world to me, and I pray for her as God heals her heart during the challenging days ahead. I understand. It opens up places in me to grieve.
In Mark 8:14-21 a conversation between Jesus and the disciples makes me laugh and I ponder a deeper meaning. It starts off “the disciples had forgotten…..” and this pretty much describes how I feel most days. Forgotten to do this, that, and how will I……..
They forgot bread–food to eat. Jesus uses the one loaf of bread to teach them about focused attention on truth–“Be careful, He says to them, of the yeast of those who will not offer you truth. Jesus is our daily bread. He is our source. Just like me, they conjure up some simple, quick response of what Jesus is trying to say. The disciples think He is upset because they forgot the bread. How many times have I spent so much emotional energy on my insecurities, worries, inadequacies, sufferings, and problems that I miss what God is trying to say to me?
Jesus asks them, “Don’t you remember?” He reminds them about the feeding of the thousands with only a few loaves of bread. Of all the miracles he could have shared, he chose the miracles with the bread, so, maybe just maybe, they would open their eyes and see truth.
7 Aware of their discussion, Jesus asked them: “Why are you talking about having no bread? Do you still not see or understand? Are your hearts hardened? 18 Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don’t you remember? 19 When I broke the five loaves for the five thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”
“Twelve,” they replied.
20 “And when I broke the seven loaves for the four thousand, how many basketfuls of pieces did you pick up?”
They answered, “Seven.”
21 He said to them, “Do you still not understand?”
That is how the chapter closes. Again, I laugh. Until we see you face to face God, I think we will “still not understand”. By the way, He is okay with that. He knows our heart and our journey. He walks with us, and He points out things when we slow down enough to seek Him. When we put down the bread of this world and taste of Him, we are changed from glory to glory.
So, that is what Jesus did for me this morning. Do you remember Anna? He took me through memories of Him holding my hand, carrying me, and providing for my family and friends. The deeper still was when the words of the worship song said,
After everything I’ve had. After everything I’ve lost. Lord, I know this much is true, I’m still drawn to you. I pour out my sorrows just like a precious oil. I kiss your feet, Lord, with a holy joy. My tears an offering of my highest praise; Your eyes say ‘welcome.’ And I receive Your grace. Audrey Assad