I’m sitting in a chair with coffee, still in my PJs, and watching the sunrise. This season brings a breeze without the bugs, and I find the setting healing and encouraging. I often write about the Pray as You Go app. I decided to close my eyes and play the daily meditation. A little boy walks for miles with a lunch packed by his mom to hear the words of Jesus. This little boy in the thousands gives all he has, knowing that Jesus will multiply the resources and feed everyone. A few fish and loaves of bread become a miracle because of the giving and the love of Jesus.

For passages like this, it can sometimes be helpful to try to experience the scene as if you were one of the crowd. Using the imagination can be a revealing way into prayer and revelation. (Pray as You go 4/21/23)

As I imagined myself there as the little boy, I thought about my hesitation and reluctance to let things go. Do I trust that God will do something with my offerings? Do I want to let go? Letting go means losing control. At least, that’s how I feel at the moment of the decision. A friend was with me, sipping on her coffee. She joins me after the meditation, and I share with her the story and the questions of my heart. She asks me, “Anna, what would you let go?” She is that kind of friend. She leans in, listens, and authentically asks questions to help me grow.

I fumbled with my words and struggled to write precisely the concept or idea of letting go of whatever kept me wrestling and ruminating. I can write about what the solution looks like. Recently, I’ve become increasingly detached from expectations and more attached to presence and love. I’m an in-your-head, thinking kind of person. I can finish an event and wonder if I was there. Ever trying to control outcomes and expectations creates this ego dance that is loud and exhausting. I’m practicing looking into the eyes of those in my presence, listening to understand, and loving with unconditional positive regard. I walk into crowds at work or one-on-one with someone and see the miracle of the person(s). All walks of life, ages, life experiences, stories, and the knowledge that God, in His compassionate love, sends the right conversation and experiences into our lives. Each moment is a part of your story. Some moments are more complex than others, and some moments you question why. I pause, breathe, believe that understanding will come, and acknowledge my part.

Humans are interesting beings. We yearn for connection and a sense of belonging. We desire to be loved and understood, and forgiven. We stumble around and awkwardly engage with each other over coffee, meetings, training, and worship. We get up every day doing this thing called relationships.

I’m also working on being me. What? Sounds crazy, but stop and think about “who you are” and “how you show up.” No matter where you are in life’s journey, you have the freedom to show up authentically, and it is true not everyone will connect with the you inside of you. Being okay with that is life-changing. It is radical acceptance of who you are and where you are in life. It’s being okay with mistakes, apologies, and knowing you are not defective or flawed.

I’m in deep gratitude for the friends in my life. In great despair, they can speak hope and purpose into my life. This past week, I’ve had my bucket filled to the brim with love and connection. I’ve rejuvenated through the gift of time, words, and prayers.

Seeing my friends and singing with them was an unexpected surprise! Spontaneous gathering and lots to talk about. I loved how they shared that they were reading my dad’s book for the second time and sharing it with others.