How did I get here?

How will I find a way out?

We heard a message that took us through the two questions. The man shared his life story and his purpose found within the organization of Convoy of Hope. The message was perfect timing for my husband and I as we faced some events coming up. We had discussed and conversed on our way to The Chapel, and then the message brought clarity and a perspective we did not consider.

I love connections and how God will take you on a theme of podcasts, readings, and conversations to help you answer the hard questions in life. The Spirit leads us and our connections with humanity assures us that we are not alone. Those who dare to write and share their life stories confirm that we walk similar roads and can help each other along the way.

In my book, Waymaker, by Ann Voskamp, we learn the word ayekah, the one word God is speaking into moments of anguish and disconnect. All through His Word and starting with Adam and Eve, He asks the question out of love to know not the location of your physical body, but they position of your soul within the circumstances of your life. “He wants us to name the place, see the place, acknowledge it, sit with it, and befriend it.” (p. 17)

Going further we learn the art of the turn. Small turns in our day that make a difference, and the turns that move us in a direction of great change. In the turn is great love and freedom. “Oh, return to me, for I have paid the price to set you free.” Isaiah 44:22

Where are you?

Can I let go of my incessant expectations of where I thought I would be and befriend where I am? Can I do this without self loathing, anger towards others, and feelings of regret? How can I love self and others with the knowledge that they are who they are and where they are because of their love story with their waymaker? Expectations will swallow up freedom and keep us anxiously judging and fixing.

“And we are only able to be still when we aren’t being driven by our own expectations.” (p. 19 of workbook)

Being still in our “where are you” without expectations.

A small turn can be eye contact with a loved one when you are feeling unheard. Did you pause and listen? Seek understanding?

A turn from a way of life that was pulling you away from His love and purpose. Choices. Removing words from your vocabulary that tear you down and others. Love. Being still and noticing God’s hand in the hard. Can you see the smallness of a gesture as a celebration of love and a sense of belonging?

The art of the turn.

I will close with the word response. I love words. This word has been a part of my knowledge in relation to trauma. It’s more our response to the event that defines where we are in the moment. I acknowledged that my response to certain “where are you” moments and expectations are not healthy. No judgment. Just a recognition of can I pause and breathe and trust that God will take where I ended up, and show me a way not be removed or run away, but to find the glory in the work?

I’ve often asked God, Where were you? or Where are you in all of this? I’m changing it up and sharing my heart with Him–this is where I am, seek me, know me, show me–create a clean heart in me, oh Lord.

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