I love a quote that captures your way of thinking or describes how you feel.
One year ago, I was helping my mom call 911. The ambulance came and they took my dad to the hospital. I ran with the paramedics as they rolled my dad in their bed to the vehicle. I looked in his eyes and prayed a prayer of “you’ll get through this” and “you’ve done this before, you can do it again”. I’ll see you soon dad. We had been here before. Many times. The day was an eternity as I tried to keep my doctor’s appointment due to health concerns, meetings at work, and checking in with mom. After much discussion, hospice was called in, and my daddy went to be with Jesus in the loving arms of his wife, in his bed, in the small hours of this day. I was never able to have a full conversation with him that day, but the family was able to say goodbye and all the I love yous we could proclaim as he struggled for his last breath mouthing and whispering he loved us. I wish……….. So many times I reflect and want to change the last 48 hours of that experience so I could control the last days. He was resurrected from this world to the arms of Jesus on September 22, 2020.
To say much has happened since that day would be an understatement. If you asked me where I am in my grief process, I could not tell you. It’s like glitter sprinkled all around. I’ve tried to clean up and move on, but I’m still finding the glitter.
Memories come in and out of my life and I’m filled with so many emotions. I’ve processed events and conversations. I’ve smiled, laughed, heard his voice in my soul, cried, and prayed. I remember calling my friend, Steve, who is a pastor. Shortly after his death my mind played tricks on me, and I wanted to go back and relive the last 48 hours. What would I have done differently? I still hear his voice reassuring me. He’s been there and knows what to say. Yesterday, I shared at work that our “self awareness” thoughts can be “wrong” or “faulty”. It’s good to have friends to call to gain perspective and process.
I have to laugh a little. My friend Sandy sent me a text about my dad’s anniversary coming up. She noted she was praying for me. Honestly, I did feel “off” but life is a complete distraction for me, and she reminded me of why I might be feeling “off”.
I got up at 5:00 a.m. this morning. I wanted to write about him and to be close to him. I started with coffee, dishes, some work emails, a PowerPoint for a presentation, and then I heard the birds singing and saw the sun rising. “Good morning daddy.”
I miss you.
Soul Train to Glory To Glory (Written by Thomas F. Lloyd; Vocals by Jimmie Davis)
Heaven’s Avenue (Written and Vocals by Thomas F. Lloyd)
Mom and I are going to visit his grave and out to dinner tonight. Jesus bless our time and bring us peace.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
I believe our time will be focused on our love and on all those who have loved and lost. Know you are being prayed for. God is with us. We are a collective of love, loss, and hope. Let’s lift each other up.
My papa wrote this song, and it was recorded by Jimmie Davis. My papa left a legacy of Christ’s love. He was bold in his faith, always making sure anyone he came in contact with knew how much Jesus loved them and made every attempt to ensure their salvation was secure in Christ, so they would be taken home to glory when their time on earth was finished.
I love this song, I listened to it in the car this morning with my son and we both laughed and danced. I pray that I can be bold in my faith as my papa was, and instill this legacy in the generations to come in my family.
So I ask you this morning, do you know Jesus intimately? Do you have a relationship with Him? If you don’t, I am always here for questions, I am always here to encourage you. Our Savior is one of grace, mercy, unconditional love, and He wants you just as you are, faults and all.
I have no idea where I would be without my relationship with God.
A song shared from a reader and friend.