Quenching the flame Part II

Yesterday we talked about how jealousy, sex as a weapon, flashbacks, and pornography quench our intimacy.  Today I’d like to continue the information from the workshop:

Distorted Views– Don’t use the world’s ideal of intimacy.  When Cosmo has 21 ways to spice your sex life it’s not material you want to read.  Stick to God’s Word (Song of Solomon is a beautiful chapter on intimacy).  There are some Christian books on intimacy that keep it filled with God’s best for your intimacy.  A Celebration of Sex is a great book for married couples written by a Christian marriage therapist.

Trauma:  As noted with flashbacks it is so important to address your past head on with a great Christian Therapist.  Trauma will distort our view of intimacy leaving us with layers of shame and confusion.  Don’t try to stuff it, or ignore it.  Work on it and get healing and the help you deserve.

Immoral or degrading:  Intimacy is mutual submission.  Often we ask what’s right and wrong in intimacy.  The answer is found mostly in your mate.  They need to feel comfortable saying to you, “I don’t like that.”  And, you need to listen and respect that.  Nothing should be degrading.

Mal 2:14 God stands as a witness in how we treat our spouse

Mal 2:16 God brought husband and wife together as one along with “the remnant of the Spirit”

Exhaustion Purposefully make arrangements to be rested and put your mate first.  If you have to say no to soccer, dance, another activity, chores SO THAT you can be enthusiastic for each other, say NO!  If you are not enthusiastic about your mate, what are you enthusiastic about?  Are you making THAT first priority over them?

Rejection:  Instead of saying, “No”, say “How about later?” and give a time or date.  One thing Lisa Compton shared was typically a man does not care so much about how we look (because we worry about that so much!)–they just want an enthusiastic mate who respects and desires them.  Wear that to bed one night and see the difference!

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