I can remember reading in a marriage book about puddles vs. deep waters. I was young in my marriage with little years under my belt. I was talking to the girls in Woman of Worth, Victoria’s group, and Katie and I connected. Katie is now married and in doctoral school. The image still plays out in my mind, and yesterday I was reminded again of the deep waters of marriage if we are willing to stick it out.
In the first years of marriage, we lack experience, stories of overcoming, memories, and a richness that only the years can bring. You are splashing in puddles of the day-to-day. Over the years, when you have the ability to truly “look back” and say, “I remember when….”, you will find your marriage in the deep waters of connection, covenant, and promise. You’ve walked through the trials of life, and God has brought you out victoriously and forever changed.
Yesterday, a song came on Pandora while Parish and I are were enjoying some alone time. He asked, “Why does this song sound familiar?” I told him that we sang the song as a duet at his sister’s wedding many years ago. We paused and started singing together. This simple moment brought a flood of memories that included family, our marriage, our love for music, and the ability to look back and smile at our love story. And, so you don’t think us a perfect couple, that was in the same morning in which we got frustrated with each other, too. Let’s be real.
To young couples, remember the moments you are creating now will be remembered and take you from the puddles to the deep waters. Make them count, treasure them, and never think a date night, a chore, an activity are irrelevant or not worth it. Those moments are the threads within the fabric of your beautiful love story. Remember them. Treasure them. Stick it out. Your puddles will become deep waters.
For those who have been married for years, take notice of those moments you recall. Share them with each other and talk about them. See them as a badge of honor. Celebrate even when you question. We have a choice. Your marriage will never be perfect, and usually our expectations are unrealistic. Throw your pride away, and be okay with celebrating a moment.
For those who have been hurt by relationships, know that a redeeming God takes all of those stories and memories and has the power to heal and transform you. There is no condemnation in Jesus, only love and compassion. You can mentor and encourage others who are struggling with the puddle years.