How do you view life? I read this question in my book. The author suggested that if I viewed life as a party then my goal would be to have fun. If I viewed life as a marathon, then my goal would be endurance. Combining this question with my recent audio book on insecurity, I wondered if my view of life was rooted in my insecurities of “never enough”. Now God has done a work on this human soul, but I still have nagging thoughts that rear their ugliness. To answer the question, I guess I view life as a performance so my goal is perfection.
We often don’t think of perfection and insecurity as being prideful, but let me tell you, I’m one prideful person. Sulking, hustling for approval (Brene Brown), insisting, controlling, withdrawing, and rationalizing are what we do as humans to keep that performance going. I’m tired girlfriend. Straight up tired of getting dressed in the morning for the show, performing, and laying my head on my pillow at night wondering what kind of review I will receive. Tired of comparing myself to the other performers. Tired of auditioning.
When we view life as a performance, then we have a tendency to swing from one end of the continuum to another–I’m winning and I’m great to I’m losing at life and self-loathing. Help us all! This is no way to live!
God has promised us a sound mind and the opportunity for inward transformation daily!
In order to interrupt a pattern or habit, you have to introduce something different, and, typically, this different is out of your comfort zone. How do you change a fixed mindset? I personally think it takes intentional action steps with divine intervention.
If you are human and you live on Earth, you have the opportunity to grow in this area. We may marvel at those that seem untouched by insecurity and walk in confidence, but at some point we stop comparing and realize that we have a unique journey. We take a hard look at patterns and recognize I’m the common denominator. If you still are not convinced, take pause, right now, and reflect on your interactions and responses over the years, how you felt when you walked away, and how you processed the interaction and event. If you’ve been able to receive feedback from others, what is a consistent message?
I will confess that I’m always hopeful that I can read a book or listen to a podcast and be done with whatever. Rome was not built in a day, and our habits have been nursed and formed over many years. Your ability to interrupt a pattern and change will take time. Be patient with yourself and others. Here are books that are engaging and helpful. Most are on audible, too.
The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown
Rising Strong, Brene Brown
Daring Greatly, Brene Brown
So Long Insecurity, Beth Moore
The Purpose Driven Life, Rick Warren
The first three, I read as the author wrote them. I love Brene Brown. Her work is based on research and stories we can all relate to. I’m currently re-reading The Purpose Driven Life, and listening to So Long Insecurity on audible. Beth does a great job with the spiritual roots of insecurity, and she dedicates a chapter to folks who shared their stories. I didn’t think I would like this chapter, but as she read their stories, I found I related, laughed, and agreed that I’ve done and said some pretty stupid things out of feelings of insecurity. She also addresses the parenting aspect of how we project our insecurities on our children. She has a solid chapter on how to overcome that includes a life-changing prayer. The Purpose Driven life is the foundations of our faith that honestly take the focus of off me, myself, and I to an eternal perspective.
Let me tell you something. Every second of every day you can choose drama mama or choose to see opportunities not mistakes, mercy instead of condemnation, kindness instead of gossip, and solid confidence in who you are, not because of your performance, but because of your God given right to belong and to be loved. Figure out what triggers your responses, and replace them with promises, hope, and opportunities. Beth reminds us in our book that “we are clothed with strength and dignity” Proverbs 31:25. When you feel exposed, remember you’ve been clothed with strength and dignity. Lastly, in a sermon, our pastor shared that author, John Maxwell, encourage us to see people like Jesus saw them–their potential. Jesus conversed and believed in the most difficult people during his ministry. He still does. Jesus, every day, looks at you and smiles and knows just how incredible you are and all the potential that lies within you. Mr. Maxwell suggests that we see a 10 (on a scale of 1 -10) over everyone’s head, even if they are acting like a 1 in your opinion. Oh the times that I’ve prayed to not be remembered for my “1” moment. Why can we not do this for others? It changes how you see them, how you react, and how you talk to them. It supports healthy boundaries and healthy relationships. I will always support boundaries along with mercy, love, and forgiveness.
If you decide to read one of these books, have a book you’d like to share, or a testimony, I’d love to hear from you!