I have spent the last two days alone in the woods with nature. I experienced the “untethered soul”. I wondered how to write about this awakening without cheapening the beauty. I hope to write about the get-a-way to remember the events and archive pictures. That will come. For now, in short, I wanted to express “the journey beyond myself”.
A friend of mine, over dinner, interrupted my declaration with this comment, “You mean, Anna, you want a life?”
So, how do we live? I know that Jesus clearly told us that He came, “so that we would have life abundantly”. He spoke joy, miracles, and truth consistently, and brought Lazarus from the grave to life. He instructed him to take off the burial clothes. So I’m shredding and living.
I’m not events present or future.
I’m not beholding to thoughts, feelings, or pain.
I experience pain with an open heart without closing myself off and ignoring, or clinging.
As I notice disturbances and pain enter, I welcome them and let them go. The Spirit opens me up to joy, worth, and grace.
I let go now instead of falling into defining myself, justifying, and proving my point.
Over and over again, Jesus would encourage us to “take heart” to “not fear”. Our heart was created to experience energy beyond what we use because we are caught up in pain, hurts, and every day irritants. We hold onto that stuff like a two year old with a “it’s mine” toy. We nurse it, define ourselves by it, and play it over and over again in our minds. We dump our toxic waste on our family, friends, and strangers. And, just like patterns and cycles, whatever we put out into the universe comes back.
“If we fall along the way, just get up and forget it. Use it to strengthen your resolve. Let go right then. Do not rationalize, blame, or try to figure it out. If you feel shame, let it go.” (pg. 79)
God has given us a universe of planets, a galaxy of stars, and right now you are on a planet spinning around in space; yet, we worry about a word spoken, an embarrassing moment, a wrong committed. We seek unending control over things we can’t control. We protect our pain.
Right about now you might think of boundaries. Yes. Boundaries exist in the releasing and our heart is open to experience what comes up. How can we see life as a life worth living verses a threat or every day survival?
I went away this weekend to rest and brought the book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. His work, for me, expresses my love for Jesus and the Spirit’s ability to teach us. Many times we approach scripture without tools or a willingness to do work–to change and to practice the journey of living. The Spirit will teach us and we do the work with His continued guidance.
A few words I’ve written on my heart this weekend are vitality, adventure, and freedom. I went on a long walk this morning. In fact, I got lost in the woods. I walked 3 miles of field, forest, pond, babbling brooks, cow pastures, outdoor tabernacles, mountains, and flowers. Once I discovered where I was and saw my neck of the woods, I laughed! How long has it been since I was lost and had to trust my instincts and sounds to get back home? Lunch was sitting at a table by the brook. I see the yellow monarch butterfly dance around. Joy on her wings to dance and live! I speak to her. “I see you dancing! Live girl! Dance!” And, I’m so glad I can’t get you to slow down enough for a picture! Let it go! No clinging to stuff here!
During one of my walks at night, I started singing a song from my heart. Worship music flooded out as I sat on a rustic pew in an outdoor church. The echo of the music and my complete solitude with prayers being sent to heaven, I wept and rejoiced.
“I want to live and know joy! I want to live and know the Lord! I want to dance when my feet don’t know the way. I want to wake up every day and sing.” (This was a random song I made up during one of my walks.) I thought I would capture it on video so I would not forget it. I laughed because I could hear the cows in the background.
When I happened upon this seating, sun, and rest, I had to capture how I felt! The sun inviting itself on my face and reassuring me.
“I am evidence that my God is real.” “
I am living proof that my heart has been healed.”
“I am a walking, talking, living, breathing, hallelujah!”